CRIKEY. Talk about a baptism of fire.
Bozza’s first PMQs was a whirlwind of Labour rage and blue-on-blue action as the blonde Beatle gesticulated his way through 45 minutes of Commons ding-dongery.
Most of it involved our Old Etonian premier jabbing his finger and barking at the chief comrade, who tried desperately to come across as the voice of reason amid the Johnsonian maelstrom.
As the two main protagonists engaged in verbal fisticuffs over a snap General Election, the heat appeared to get to the shiny, new PM, whose frustration boiled over as he told Jezza: “Call an election, you great big girl's blouse."
But the Labour chief rolled his eyes and hit back, telling Bozza he was useless, that he had “no plan, no authority and no majority”.
After the great purge of former Tory ministers, many of them sat stoically on the Government benches. Ken “Bagpuss” Clarke seemed his usual Zen-like self, purring contentedly in his usual aisle seat and befriended by a new neighbour: Theresa May; remember her.
Along the row of backbenchers were two other ex-Tories, who appeared less calm and composed. Indeed, a steam of anger appeared to be rising slowly from their heads.
David Gauke asked a very loaded question about whether the PM still believed prorogation had nothing to do with Brexit while fellow rebel Dominic Grieve, pointed out how - remarkably - no official or minister during the Edinburgh court hearing was “prepared to state the reasons for prorogation”.
Bozza's discomfort grew worse when another sackee, Margot James, rose and told him: “Advisers advise, ministers decide. Can I ask the PM to bear that statement closely in mind in relation to his own chief adviser, Dominic Cummings?” The aide’s name was almost spat out with contempt.
Yet there was more. The most cutting attack on the blustering Tory came from Labour backbencher, Tanmanjeet Singh Dhesi, who took the PM to task over his infamous remarks likening veiled Muslim women to letterboxes and bank robbers.
The Sikh MP could barely contain his rage, telling the head boy that for those who had had to “endure and face up to being called names such as towelhead or Taliban...we can appreciate full well the hurt and pain felt by already vulnerable Muslim women”.
To applause, the comrade declared: “So rather than hide behind sham and whitewash investigations, when will the PM finally apologise for his derogatory and racist remarks?”
During the ticking-off, Bozza appeared to be eating a rather large bee. He tried his best, calmly, to respond, referring to his own Muslim ancestors, pointing out the diversity of his Cabinet and decrying Labour for its rampant “virus of anti-Semitism” but the damage was done.
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