The parliaments are now in recess as our politicians go and spread cheer throughout their constituencies.

No doubt they will be expecting presents under their tree but who has won favour with Santa? Who is on the nice list and who is on the naughty list?

We asked Santa Claus under Freedom of Information to reveal his secret notebook on some of our politicians as he decides which chimneys to drop down.

Here’s what he had to say.

“I noted Nicola Sturgeon has been making a fool of some people just for asking her questions. Now because they are not as clever as you, it doesn’t mean you have to be mean to them. Ruth is only doing what she thinks is best…for her career.

Nicola also wrote a letter early in the year and said she wanted a referendum game, then she sent another in the summer saying she didn’t. I got yet another later on saying she might want one but wasn’t going to tell me when she wanted it.

Make up your mind, Santa doesn’t have time for this. Naughty list.

Alex Salmond wrote and said he wanted lots of nice, pretty clothes but not for him, for someone called Mhairi then he said someone called Tasmina would send a list on her behalf and that someone else called Vlad would pay. Naughty list.

Someone called Richard Leonard wrote to me earlier this year and I confess, I hadn’t heard of him and he said even though he thought Christmas was a bourgeois construct and I was just a symbol of a consumer festival of greed that showed the growing gulf between the few and the many he still wanted presents.

The Big Bumper Marx and Engels Annual was top of his list. However, I’ve noticed since he became leader of the red boys and girls he has been shouting rather a lot and pointing fingers at people. Santa finds that rude so he is on the naughty list.

Kezia Dugdale wrote and said she wanted a Jungle Book DVD and that she really needed a holiday. Then she didn’t bother to wait for Christmas and just went ahead and arranged her presents on her own.

But it’s not nice to go around making big promises to people one year and then the next tell them you are abandoning them. Listen to the wise words of Wham!’s Last Christmas.

Especially when it’s just to make a fool of yourself on the telly eating worms. Naughty list.

Theresa May said she didn’t care if I thought she was naughty or nice because she was “bloody difficult” but she was just trying to look tough in front of the big boys and girls like Angela and Emmanuel.

Then I found out about the wheat fields. Oh, Santa has considered many misdemeanours over the years but never anything as heinous as running through wheat fields. Naughty list.

Donald Trump wrote to say he had been a very good boy, so good, so good. He had been the goodest boy and no boy ever in the history of the whole world had been gooder than him.

He wanted lots of Lego. Lots and lots of Lego. All the Lego he could get his little hands on.

Hmmph! Santa’s not stupid. Naughty list.”

Happy Christmas everyone.